Hilarious Flight Attendant Keeps Passengers Entertained During Safety Instructions
Table of Contents
- Introduction
- Flight Safety Instructions
- Seat Belt Instructions
- Emergency Exits and Evacuation Procedure
- Safety Information Card
- Inflating the Life Vest
- Smoking Policy
- Entertainment and Amenities
- Entertainment Lounges
- Feature Films and Restrictions
- Decompression and Oxygen Masks
- Assisting Fellow Passengers
- Assisting Children
- Assisting Travel Companions
- Conclusion
Introduction
Welcome aboard! We appreciate your presence tonight as we embark on our two-hour journey to Iceland. This article serves to provide you with all the necessary information for a safe and enjoyable flight experience. Please pay close attention to the flight attendants as they guide you through the safety features of our 737 700 series aircraft.
Flight Safety Instructions
Seat Belt Instructions
Before we take off, let's review the proper way to fasten your seat belt. As demonstrated by the flight attendants, ensure that the seat belt is low and tight across your hips, similar to how I'm sporting my hot pink speedo tonight. For those of you who haven't been in an automobile since 1942, this step-by-step guide will help you secure your seat belt correctly. Remember, safety always comes first!
Emergency Exits and Evacuation Procedure
In the event of an emergency, it's crucial to be familiar with the location and operation of the emergency exits. Our aircraft is equipped with two forward exit doors, two over-wing window exits, and two rear exit doors. To help you locate these exits, look for signs on the ceiling and disco lights on the floor that will lead you to safety. Please remember to remain calm and follow the instructions provided by the cabin crew during the evacuation process.
Safety Information Card
Take a moment to retrieve the safety information card from the seat back pocket in front of you. It's essential to familiarize yourself with the safety features specific to this aircraft. The card contains important instructions on how to use the emergency equipment and procedures to follow in case of an emergency. We strongly recommend reading the card before your flight takes off so that you're prepared and confident in knowing what to do should the need arise.
Inflating the Life Vest
While it's highly unlikely that our captain will turn this flight into a cruise, it's important to know how to use the life vest correctly. Don't mistake it for a toilet seat cover—it's a life-saving device. In the event of a water landing, you'll need to put the life vest over your head and secure the black strap around your waist. To inflate the life vest, pull down on the red tab after exiting the aircraft. Remember, your safety is our top priority, so follow the instructions carefully.
Smoking Policy
To ensure everyone's comfort and safety, we have a strict non-smoking policy on board. However, for those who can't resist the urge, we have provided two entertainment lounges—one on the left wing and another on the right wing. Just remember, tampering with the smoke detectors will result in a hefty fine of $2200 and a less-than-glamorous appearance on YouTube. Let's enjoy the flight without any smoke breaks!
Entertainment and Amenities
Entertainment Lounges
For your enjoyment, we have two entertainment lounges available. If you think you're talented enough to light a cigarette and enjoy a smoke, you're welcome to try it on the designated entertainment lounges. However, for the rest of us, we have prepared two feature films to make your journey more enjoyable. Tonight, we are screening the classic movies "Gone with the Wind" and "Bye Bye Birdie." Sit back, relax, and let the entertainment take you away.
Feature Films and Restrictions
While watching the movies, we kindly request that you refrain from being naughty in the lavatories and leave the webcams alone. Remember, anything caught on camera and uploaded to YouTube could lead to unforeseen consequences. Let's ensure the journey remains pleasant and without incident. And for those of you who find yourself in need of a cigarette, please bear in mind the smoke detectors and the penalties associated with tampering.
Decompression and Oxygen Masks
In the unlikely event of a decompression, we have prepared oxygen masks for your safety. Should this occur, don't panic! Sit back, take a deep breath, and listen carefully to our flight attendants. They will provide instructions on how to use the oxygen masks properly. Remember to secure your own mask before assisting others, especially those traveling with you. Taking care of yourself first allows you to help others more effectively.
Assisting Fellow Passengers
Assisting Children
For those of you traveling with children, let's discuss how you can help them in case of an emergency. When the oxygen masks drop down, ensure that your child's mask is on first, as their well-being is of utmost importance. If you have multiple children with you, prioritize the bright one who shows the most potential for future success—retirement fund contributors, we like to call them.
Assisting Travel Companions
Ladies, if you're accompanying someone who might need your assistance, you know exactly who I'm referring to—your dear husband. When the masks fall, take a moment to consider the situation. If necessary, assist your loved one with securing their mask before attending to your own. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and remember that diamonds make great distractions. Your safety is vital, and by following these instructions, you're ensuring the best possible outcome for everyone involved.
Conclusion
Thank you once again for choosing to travel with us. We strive to deliver exceptional in-flight hospitality and ensure your journey is as comfortable as possible. If you have any questions or require further assistance, please don't hesitate to ask one of our friendly flight attendants. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight—it's our pleasure to serve you tonight.
Highlights
- Detailed instructions on fastening seat belts and locating emergency exits.
- Importance of reading the safety information card before the flight.
- Proper usage of life vests during water landings.
- Strict non-smoking policy with designated entertainment lounges.
- Screening of two feature films for in-flight entertainment.
- Instructions for using oxygen masks during decompression.
- Guidance on assisting children and travel companions.
FAQ
Q: Can I smoke during the flight?
A: No, smoking is strictly prohibited on board. However, designated entertainment lounges are available for smokers' convenience.
Q: How do I inflate the life vest?
A: In the event of a water landing, put the life vest over your head, secure the strap around your waist, and pull down on the red tab to inflate it after exiting the aircraft.
Q: What movies are being screened during the flight?
A: We are showing "Gone with the Wind" and "Bye Bye Birdie" for your entertainment during the journey.
Q: How should I assist children during an emergency?
A: When the oxygen masks drop down, ensure that your child's mask is on first before attending to your own. If traveling with multiple children, prioritize the one who shows the most potential for future success.
Q: Can I assist my travel companion with their oxygen mask?
A: Yes, in case of an emergency, you are encouraged to assist your travel companion in securing their mask before attending to your own. Remember, your safety is paramount.
