Mastering Difficult Conversations: Sheila Heen on Feedback and Conflict Resolution
Table of Contents:
- Introduction
- The Importance of Reviews in Apple Podcast Ranking
- Yap: A Podcast Seeking Reviews
- Sheila Hien: The Founder of Treatt Consulting Group
- Sheila's Background and Achievements
- Difficult Conversations: The Three Layers and Overcoming Them
- The What Happened Conversation
- The Feelings Conversation
- The Identity Conversation
- Enhancing Feedback Skills: Thanks for the Feedback Book
- Why People Struggle with Receiving Negative Feedback
- The Truth, Relationship, and Identity Triggers
- Dealing with Trigger Reactions
- Telling a Third Story: Opening Up Better Conversations
- Conclusion
🗒️ Introduction
When it comes to Apple Podcast rankings, reviews play a significant role. Yap, the podcast being discussed, emphasizes the importance of gaining reviews from its listeners. In this episode, Hala Taha interviews Sheila Hien, the founder of Treatt Consulting Group and a Harvard Law School lecturer. Sheila shares her insights on difficult conversations and receiving feedback, shedding light on the three layers of difficult conversations and the triggers that come into play when receiving feedback.
💡 The Importance of Reviews in Apple Podcast Ranking
To ensure a higher ranking on Apple Podcasts, Yap encourages its listeners to leave reviews and share their feedback. These reviews help Yap secure sponsorships and continue providing valuable content to its audience. By taking a few minutes to leave a review, listeners can support the podcast and help it grow.
🎙️ Sheila Hien: The Founder of Treatt Consulting Group
Sheila Hien, the guest of this episode, is not only the founder of Treatt Consulting Group but also a respected figure in the field of negotiation. Alongside Douglas Stone, she co-authored the best-selling book "Difficult Conversations." Sheila's vast experience and expertise make her an ideal guest to discuss overcoming the challenges involved in difficult conversations and feedback.
✨ Sheila's Background and Achievements
Sheila's fascination with negotiation began during her time at Harvard Law School. Inspired by the Harvard negotiation project's approach to curiosity, learning, and practicality, she joined the project full-time after graduating. This experience led her to realize the need for a comprehensive approach to difficult conversations, resulting in the book "Difficult Conversations." Sheila's dedication to practical solutions and helping people address real-world challenges sets her apart in the field.
🗣️ Difficult Conversations: The Three Layers and Overcoming Them
Difficult conversations often come with three distinct layers: the "What Happened" conversation, the "Feelings" conversation, and the "Identity" conversation. Overcoming these layers is crucial to having more effective dialogues. By recognizing the triggers associated with each layer, addressing them, and focusing on joint problem-solving, individuals can navigate difficult conversations more successfully.
🔍 The What Happened Conversation
The "What Happened" conversation involves discussing different perspectives on an event or situation. By adopting a third-party viewpoint, individuals can approach the conversation with curiosity and a shared desire to understand each other's reasoning. This shifts the focus away from blame and promotes mutual understanding and resolution.
💭 The Feelings Conversation
In the "Feelings" conversation, it is essential to acknowledge and express emotions tied to the difficult conversation. By openly discussing feelings and understanding the emotional impact on both parties, individuals can foster a more empathetic and productive dialogue. This conversation helps uncover underlying concerns and enables participants to work towards a mutually beneficial outcome.
🔑 The Identity Conversation
The "Identity" conversation involves exploring the impact of the conversation on personal identities. Individuals often feel a sense of self-worth and self-identity tied to how they are perceived and respected by others. Understanding that the conversation's purpose is not to attack or question personal worth allows for a more constructive dialogue.
🗨️ Enhancing Feedback Skills: Thanks for the Feedback Book
Receiving negative feedback can be challenging, as it triggers various reactions and emotions. Sheila and Douglas Stone address this issue in their book, "Thanks for the Feedback," focusing on the science and art of receiving feedback. They explore the truth, relationship, and identity triggers that affect individuals' receptiveness to feedback and provide strategies for overcoming these triggers.
🔍 Why People Struggle with Receiving Negative Feedback
People often struggle with receiving negative feedback due to the potential threat it poses to their self-identity and acceptance. The book highlights the importance of acknowledging these triggers and understanding the underlying emotions and concerns associated with feedback.
⚠️ The Truth, Relationship, and Identity Triggers
The truth trigger revolves around evaluating the accuracy and validity of feedback. Relationship triggers stem from the giver's identity and the receiver's perception of their intentions or fairness. Identity triggers involve personal emotions and sensitivities tied to one's self-worth. Recognizing these triggers is the first step in managing reactions and approaching feedback with an open mind.
🔑 Dealing with Trigger Reactions
When confronted with trigger reactions, it is essential to remain curious and ask clarifying questions rather than rejecting or dismissing the feedback outright. By seeking to understand the giver's perspective and separating factual accuracy from personal emotions, individuals can extract valuable insights from feedback.
📖 Telling a Third Story: Opening Up Better Conversations
Starting a conversation by telling a third story, rather than immediately expressing personal perspectives, can enhance understanding and promote more constructive dialogues. By framing the conversation from an observer's standpoint, individuals can focus on shared differences, avoid blame, and ultimately work towards finding solutions together.
🔖 Conclusion
Difficult conversations and feedback play vital roles in personal and professional growth. Understanding the layers of difficult conversations and managing trigger reactions can lead to more effective communication. By embracing feedback as an opportunity for learning and growth, individuals can develop stronger relationships and enhance their skills.
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